Only you can recreate yourself

I will never forget that day, it was 2 PM and I had just finished my opd and was about to start my lunch, when my nursing staff gave me a call saying a person has come with his wife and wants to meet me. I told them that if it isn’t an emergency please request them to schedule an appointment for a later date. That was the time my staff told me that she is breast cancer patient and both of them are fighting and arguing with each other. The lady seemed to be in a very bad mood and didn’t want to meet any doctor.

I rushed to the clinic to see her and she was visibly unhappy. She was upset, disturbed, angry, frustrated, depressed because a few weeks ago her husband had scheduled her mastectomy without consulting her or explaining her the need for one. The only time she knew that he had undergone a mastectomy was when she was wheeled out of the operation theater. Her anger stemmed from a feeling of betrayal that she got from husband. It stemmed from the fact that she was denied the right to make her own choices about her own body. She felt her husband lied to her and a part of her body was removed without her consent. She was depressed because she wasn’t prepared for this change in her body. Acceptance was still miles away. These feelings caused her to isolate herself from family and friends and she didn’t meet anyone for weeks together.

This is just one of the thousand stories in the world that never see the light of the day.

Breast cancer is the most common cancer for women and its incidence is rising every year. There are many aspects of the disease that can cause stress - physical as well as mental and emotional turmoil. Treatment with mastectomy is one of them, which is an operation to remove one or both breasts.

Breasts are associated with feminity, motherhood and self-confidence. Not all women feel the same about their breasts. For some women they may not play an important role in how they see themselves but for others it plays an important part in defining them as a woman. Breasts give the mother her first opportunity to bond with her child through breast feeding. When a woman loses her breast(s) it is natural for her to feel empty because it is not just an anatomical loss, it is an emotional loss too.

Mastectomies are deeply tied to physical, mental & psychological disturbances. They result in loss of a body part which results in emotional instability, negative body image, low self-esteem, leading to an attitude of introversion, withdrawal, shyness, insecurity, confinement and/or social inhibition. Mastectomy alters the appearance in what seems like life changing. The prospect can be overwhelming even for the most optimistic person notwithstanding the nature of the prognosis.

Even though your diagnosis may be similar to another person’s, the way this diagnosis & it’s treatment impacts your life is unique. Everyone reacts in their own way, struggling to accept the change, struggling to get comfortable in their own skin again.

After a marathon of breast cancer diagnosis & treatment, one can hardly wait to get back to a normal life again. But the day you have last chemotherapy or radiation doesn’t mark the end of your journey with breast cancer, instead it marks the advent of a new normal. There is always a period of adjustment after such a major change in life. One may feel less attractive, may have trouble finding the proper clothes, gaining back the “previous me” look and at the same time putting up a brave face to tell family members & kids that she is ok.

Throughout the history female figure had an almost hypnotic effect over society with an attention to women’s breast, it’s no surprise then that losing them has a devastating effect on the sense of self-worth & body image.

For the first few times a look at yourself in mirror after surgery makes you feel unhappy & shocked. Looking at oneself in mirror potentially brings back the trauma of the treatment for some but also represents the choice of being stronger than the disease. Soon one is ready to look into the mirror and get used to the new self.

The first step towards reducing the devastating effect of mastectomy is to understand before going in for surgery what mastectomy means, what is the necessity of going in for mastectomy & not lumpectomy and most important what should be expected after the surgery. This helps in coping in a better way with the disturbances one faces after the mastectomy.

On my regular visits to government hospital and also outside the hospitals, I meet breast cancer patients & survivors and I find that so many women don’t talk about their emotions nor they are asked about the mental health at any point of this arduous phase of their life. They don’t have anyone or are not comfortable talking about the struggle they experience in accepting the new normal.

I find many breast cancer survivors in tears when asked about the problems they are facing. Most of them tell that nobody had bothered to ask about their emotional condition. Many of these women seclude themselves socially as they feel people around them are looking at their breasts and are trying to judge them. Connecting and communicating with others who are sailing in the same boat can be helpful.

Many women want to restore their natural appearance after mastectomy. Some prefer breast reconstruction and others choose to go for breast prosthesis. The choice whether or not to have reconstruction or wear a prosthesis is very personal or some opt to neither.

Although mastectomy can change women’s feelings about herself and her body, it’s important to remember that she is worthy of love from herself and others. Family members and care givers also play a very important role in getting back the confidence in the life of survivors.

Breast cancer teaches us in many ways. Breast cancer gave me an opportunity to refocus my energy on things that make me happy and sharing the happiness with others. I learned to love my new self, my body after mastectomy but I took a path of my choosing. It is important that you try to feel good about your body, choosing whatever path is right for you.

Going through something like mastectomy is not easy. However, it’s not impossible to get through it by keeping yourself strong.

“You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.”