My breast cancer journey: Aniket and I

It has been 20 years since my breast cancer diagnosis. My first thought when I knew the diagnosis, was that of my child. I wanted to fight it out and be with my son, play with him, laugh with him, take him out for rides and see him grow.

Life is really good now. Although, getting here was challenging, but I was raised to persevere.

I cannot imagine being able to do this without “The Big Little Hero” of my journey, my dear son Aniket who was just 8 years then.

I was always worried about the fear & the insecurity he would go through if he knew I had cancer. I wanted him to have as normal a life as possible. I didn’t wish to disturb his childhood hence avoided telling him the diagnosis.

He always wondered why his ever energetic Maa is low sometimes. He was able to sense that his Maa is not well or something is wrong, although he was not be able to verbalize it.

I prayed daily to please let me live so that my son would grow up knowing who I was, how much I loved him and how much I fought for him.

Once unaware of his presence I told someone that I am under treatment for breast cancer and he heard it. My 8 year old cried for almost 1/2 an hour and then asked me, “Maa you don’t smoke, eat tobacco or drink alcohol so how did you get cancer?” I had no answer.

I never noticed that he was watching me surf the internet about recent advances in breast cancer treatment. He once asked me, ‘Maa is that why you were reading about breast cancer?

During chemo I started having hair fall and in no time I turned totally bald but his eyes still looked at me as if I was the most beautiful lady around. I feared that he will be scared by my typical cancer look but not once was he without the sweet smile while looking at me. He used to make me lie on his lap and tried to put me to sleep like I was a baby.

Eventually I started losing eyelashes and eye brows too. Seeing this he went to the cosmetic shop and asked for eyebrow pencil saying he needs it for his Maa. Back home he asked me to draw eyebrows with the pencil.

During chemo I used to have very bad body pain. With his little hands he used to press my legs and hands. One day I was woken up by my sister in law at 3 AM, asking me tell Aniket to stop pressing my legs & go to sleep. He was refusing to sleep as I didn’t tell him that I am comfortable, he should stop pressing the legs & go to sleep.

I had my last chemo on 26th October 2002 and noticed hair regrowth on 5th December 2002. My little hero danced & clapped all around the house saying my Maa is having hair again. He used put his palm on my scalp and feel the soft hair regrowth and say “chota baccha”.

Throughout my breast cancer treatment I told myself I have to show my Aniket that in life we deal with different situations, but the strong survive. I wanted him to know that it's how we deal with adversity that defines us.

I knew that breast cancer is different for every individual. I always had a thought that whether I am with Aniket for 5 months or 5 years or 50 years he should always have a strong smiling Maa in his memories.

Ani you are my strength, my reason to smile, reason for my happiness, love of my life, my life and the holder of my heart. I couldn’t have made it without you.

Big hug to you🤗

Maa loves you so much 🥰